Countdown Music

Prior to the start of the show, Koop runs a countdown that showcases the games planned for the night while Koop works with R4 on making sure everything is running smoothly prior to the start. Historically, there was background music comprised of royalty free tunes, but starting with episode #619 ("We Witnessed an x5") Koop introduced a full selection of custom made songs, each with some relevance to GFtDS lore, comedic style, and/or have a special backstory. The following are those songs, and the significance to their lyrics.

---

Angry Sleeps

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about how Koop will occasionally go to bed early and angry as a means of dealing with a relatively bad or upsetting day. His sleeping generally results in dreams where he's just having a normal day working, or getting shot at or hunted down, though, so the trade off from reality isn't exactly much benefit.

Lyrics: Angry (oh ANGRY ANGRY) Angry sleeps Gonna dream away my anger, Gonna count those freakin' sheeps

While this world falls apart around you And you feel like a piece of crap Just put this existence behind you And have yourself an angry nap

When you wake, things won't be better And you can't hide like this forever But this world's such a joyless endeavor Might as well be grumpy and do whatever

Wake up, and then go to work Maybe eat, and then go to bed Don't think about this routine too much Or it'll hurt your head

They say never go to bed mad But that's just for couples only Think of all the girlfriends you've never had And how you're so freakin' lonely (hahaha, such a loser!)

Such sleep is not a refuge When you get so irate Yet somehow this is better As it fills your heart and dreams with hate

Angry (oh ANGRY ANGRY) Angry sleeps You can't fix everything that's wrong Just be mad about it and nap strong (nap strong!)

---

Back Gravy

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Back Gravy.

Lyrics: When fear takes hold It’s such a disgrace A moment so bold But I can’t erase That midnight mark (It’s spreading near) In the dark, silent and clear Feel the chill, as it draws near Back gravy, can't conceal the stain Embarrassment, like acid rain What’s this mess (mess, mess) A creeping trail that won’t disguise A mark of stress, oh, the rude surprise Ghost knuckles, oh what's that pain? A phantom grip that leaves a stain

In techno lights, the shadow's clear Nothing to hide, the truth revealed Embarrassment too real to feel Oh, in the beat, that phantom thread We dance around, but it's in our head A flicker bright as memories spread And when you turn, ghost knuckles, dread

---

Be Sure to Wash Your Hands

Koop messing around in Udio. A song in reference to Jason's closing remarks a few times when ending the show to "Wash your hands".

Lyrics: (Wash your hands now) Got soap and water, baby (Clean it all down) Come on and scrub it Till you love it (Wash your hands now)

Washhhhhh your hands. Come on and keep those digits clean. Washhhhhh your hands. Make your cleanliness be seen.

Hey, yo! Let's get a friggin saxophone up in here! [Sax Solo]

If cleanliness is next to godliness, Then don't get diarrhea, yo

---

Big Time

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Big Follows.

Lyrics: Hello, sorry for bothering you I want to offer promotion of your channel, viewers, followers, views, chat bots, etc...The price is lower than any competitor, the quality is guaranteed to be the best. Flexible and convenient order management panel, chat panel, everything is in your hands, a huge number of custom settings. Go to <censored> dot com

Big Follows has graced us today, We can have viewers so long as we pay, Only top quality views, You bring the eyeballs, I bring the booze.

---

CC Song 1

Koop messing around in Garageband. A song created on Garageband by Koop, who was still trying to figure out how to create songs in Garageband, and his cat, CC (Koop's daughter named the cat Chocolate Cake, but Koop referred to her as CC for short), was in the room, so he made a reference to her when recording his vocals.

Lyrics: Hey, yo, CC! Ughhhhh

---

Exercise Beat

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Triscuit Exercise of the Week.

Lyrics: Come on (come on) Get up on your feet Triscuit makes good snacks to eat They don't (yet) sponsor us, but that's okay Do the Triscuit Exercise of the Week Today

How many reps? (Triscuit!) Can feel it in your core. In another week (Yeah!) You can do it some more.

Ohhh, Triscuit Exercise of the Week You're the health plan that I seek Triscuit, let me say before I digress, You should really consider sponsoring GFtDS

Scratch at your belly Free those enzymes Sweat's so smelly Triscuit exercise times!

Watch your form and don't over-do it, Your body's warm, So go ahead and sit (Sit!)

---

Glden Bull

Koop messing around in Udio. A song related to a series of spam emails Koop has been receiving regularly for almost half a decade on almost a daily basis, which he manually forwards to Jason. Each email is somehow different, and is sent between 1-2 times a day from "Golden Bull" and directed to someone the GldenBull website thinks is named Emma. Koop never signed up for these emails, but the fact he gets them humors him. Most of the emails claim to offer Emma some sort of Native American shaman ceremonies for a cost and the result is promised to be unfathomable wealth. Other emails are warnings of impending doom if Emma doesn't pay for Golden Bull's services to ward off evil spirits or whatnot. If you go to the website there is only one image of the infamous Golden Bull, and if you inspect the image it's aptly named, "character.webp", so Koop threw in a little line that wasn't in the emails related to this insight. Another fun fact is that the website, despite being touted as a Native American shaman living in the US, is actually owned and operated by someone in Reykjavik, Iceland according to the ICANN database.

Lyrics: The fire was dim but sparked again, now burning bright forever, A red crow cried, its chilling sound still echoes in me. Golden Bull, your guide and friend, with wisdom deep, I now extend, I’ve sent you emails, can’t you see? The path ahead is wild and free.

Trust in Golden Bull, your path is clear; a brighter future’s drawing near, Move quickly, don’t let time slip away, a new dawn begins today. The wolf, the eagle, all take flight, guiding you through darkest night, But Emma, why no word from you? I’m worried, don’t you feel it too?

The white eagle soars, the wolf howls loud; these signs will break the darkest cloud, The talisman of strength you hold, will guide you to the lands of gold. Golden Bull knows the way, the truth within you starts today.

Trust in Golden Bull, your path is clear; a brighter future’s drawing near, I’ve sent you notes, I’ve sent you signs, please don’t ignore these sacred lines. The hawk, the bear, all spirits strong, will guide you where you now belong, But Emma, why no word from you? I’m worried, don’t you feel it too?

But now the time has come to see, my birth name is Character Web P., I’m Golden Bull, your guide, your friend, with you until the very end. The talisman will light the way, as Golden Bull leads you today.

---

Golden Naps

Koop messing around in Udio. A simple song about someone who finds joy in watching someone sleeping and hoping they'll pee their pants in their sleep, only to get too excited when it happens and wakes up the sleeping individual. This one was particularly fun to create as unlike most of the Udio songs, Koop let the AI generate all the lyrics based on Koop's prompts.

Lyrics: Taking notes, can't believe my eyes tonight Every breath you take, it's such a sight

Giddy grins, when your lips part in sleep Hopin' you don't mind, secrets I keep

Drool so sweet, a sign you're deep in dreams Wonder if tonight, you'll let go streams

And as you twist and turn, I hold my breath Can’t help but laugh, you make a mess Every sigh, it's like a melody Love the way you drift, so wild and free If you wake, will you be mad to know? That I watched you dream, with such a glow

Midnight whispers, couldn't hold inside Every twitch you make, feels like a ride Heartbeats race, when your lashes flutter In my head, I’m singing like no other

But then your eyes, they open wide, you see me here You scream and shout, I'm filled with fear

---

Gravy Intruders

Koop messing around in Udio. Another Udio song where Koop gave AI full reign of the lyrics based on his prompts. He thought it would be fun to try some different musical stylings, and the idea of someone who was overly protective of their gravy would be humorous.

Lyrics: All they do is dip, they cross the line, uh Sneak they fingers in my gravy, it's a crime, yeah I just wanna eat without them lunchtime thugs They sneakin' in, contaminating my grub, aye I got that sauce, they can't resist the flow I tell 'em back up, let my gravy bowl go Every meal it's the same, they interrupting I'm 'bout to lay down some rules, won't tell 'em nothin'

I hate it, I hate it, my gravy they take it, invade it They breachin', no asking, just takin' They dip, they dive, fingers in my plate, why They crave the taste, but bruh, that's mine, bye Gotta lock it down, secure the spot Find another sauce, 'cause mine's too hot They got sticky hands thinkin' they so sly I'ma draw the line, say yo, not this time

No more, no more, my gravy's on lock, no score They reaching, not finding, my gravy's all mine Got my eyes peeled, guardin' my terrain, uh Fingerprints on my plate, ain't playin' games, nah They try to sneak a taste, I'm wise to their plot Got my gravy on lockdown, it's all I got, for real I'm just tryna dine in peace, keep to my side But they creepin' round my table like some gravy spies, yeah I lay my napkin down, it's like a flag unfurled Mark my territory, this is my gravy world

It's a no-fly zone, around my gravy plate Try to cop a swipe, but they too late

---

It's Only Dreamz

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about the time when Koop was in college and took a trip to Japan with his friend, Vavra (RIP), to visit their friend, Clark, who was living there at the time working for a local prefecture teaching and working as a translator. During their trip, Vavra and Koop traveled the country and had many adventures, but when visiting Tokyo the two were needing a place to stay and due to Koop's inability to read Japanese, and Vavra's limited recollection of the language from high school, they ended up accidentally booking a one night stay in a love hotel. When they got to the room the reality of the situation set in when they spotted the heart-shaped bed and only pornographic channels were available on the tv. In the room there was an advertisement for mail-in adult products. The wording of one ad on the pamphlet they found was, "Have you ever dreamed of a flying high," and it became a recurring comical reference from that point on. Vavra slept on the bed that night while Koop insisted on sleeping on a wicker bench which was the only other form of furniture in the room.

Lyrics: Have you ever dreamed of a flying high? (Have you ever dreamed) Have you ever dreamed of a flying high? (of a flying high?)

There's dusty vibrations, With a heart-shaped bed, And a wicker bench that really hurts my head, This experience we'll look back on and laugh, But for now I just need a 10 hour bath.

Have you ever dreamed of a flying high? (Have you ever dreamed) Have you ever dreamed of a flying high? (of a flying high?)

Have you ever dreamed of a flying high? (Have you ever dreamed) Have you ever dreamed of a flying high? (of a flying high?)

---

It's Webbin Time

Koop messing around in Udio. A song in reference to Koop's rant from Koop's rant about the movie "Madame Web" from episode #610: "The Needful Was Done."

Lyrics: "Madame Web," you have done so much. You fix and heal everything you touch. No more sepsis, no more disease. Blindness is cured, no one disagrees. Half-polio is but history, You're a cinematic victory. "Madame Web," your plot lines run so deep, Your costumes and F-X don't all look cheap Thanks to "The Marvels" and "Eternals", They paved the way to your masterpiece. Because of you, there is no sickness, We may now only have world peace. So brave, and yet, so stunning, You redefine great motion pictures. So thoughtful and so cunning, One day you'll be in the scriptures.

---

Midnight Munchies

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Jason's snacking habits during the show, but from the perspective of what is to believed the average female viewer.

Lyrics: Jason's burnin' up them calories Let's skip all those formalities He's gotta eat so he can stay strong And play video games all night long

Jason's burnin' up them calories Let's skip all those formalities He's gotta eat so he can stay strong And play video games all night long

Nom nom nom (what?!) Nom nom nom (yeah!) Nom nom nom (WHAT?!) Nom nom nom (YEAH!!) He's got mini muffins, and some sugar cookies He's got Frito-Lay Munch: mislabeled as "Munchies" Crackers, pretzels, M&M's and more It's never ending, he's got the whole store

Nom nom nom (what?!) Nom nom nom (yeah!) Nom nom nom (WHAT?!) Nom nom nom (YEAH!!)

He's going in for another bite I could watch Jason eating all night Chewing his food all into a pulp (Oh hell yeah!) He's thirsty now and taking a big gulp!

Come on, Jason, what's your next snack? Open those treats and start to unpack! (nom nom) If you eat too much you might sleep on stream We'll watch and wonder just what you might dream!

He's such a stud, and he looks so yummy Come on, Jason, put those snacks in your tummy

Nom nom nom (what?!) Nom nom nom (yeah!) Nom nom nom (WHAT?!) Nom nom nom (YEAH!!)

Nom nom nom (what?!) Nom nom nom (yeah!) Nom nom nom (WHAT?!) Nom nom nom, NOM NOM!! (Mmmmm, so good)

---

Mowing Hat

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Jason's amazing mowing hat (hats (plural) now, since his wife got him a bunch of different ones) that he wears when he mows, and sometimes wears on the show.

Lyrics: With that hat, he's charming Jason's mowing, it's a grand affair All the neighbors stop to stare When he's grinning, hearts are winning So they chant what you want, what you need He’s a star in that mowing cap (star in that mowing cap) In the sunshine, it gleams so bright On his head, it feels just right Every lady's caught his eye With each pass, he cuts and flies He's their hero in disguise

When he's strutting in that mowing cap And the breeze just flatters his stance He trims with precision, an art of romance With every wave, they swoon aside Oh, that hat, it's more than just pride

They whisper softly, 'Who's that man?' Behind the brim, he’s got a plan In that hat, he's bold and grand Jason's stride, a rhythmic band Whispers chase him, through the yard Like a siren, in their hearts

With each mow, a story told Dreams of him, a sight to behold He's a legend in their tales Mower's hum, like love-filled gales Every step, a hero's march In that hat, he leaves his mark

When he tips it, there's delight In the garden's soft twilight

---

My Song

Koop messing around in Garageband. Koop's first attempt at making a song in Garageband. He was confused by the setup, which is apparent from the song, as the lyrics are his voice modulated and questioning why it played music and then a long silence.

Lyrics: The hell? The hell... why? It went dik dik dik dik and then stopped. Hey! Dangit!

---

Nightwatchings

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Games From the Drunk Side.

Lyrics: The boys are up late on the Hindrance ship, Koop's got a drink, he's taking a sip, Jason's in-game in his mowing hat, R4 scrambles to moderate chat.

"Games From the Drunk Side" is now engaged, Technical issues: now Koop's enraged. He rants and raves, saying what he thinks Chat earns "Sips" and is sending Koop drinks.

Games, and laughs, and drinks Koop swallows, If we're lucky we'll get Big Follows! Stay up later for the Anna Kendrick News, And laugh at any instance of stupid baby shoes. Baby shoes, (baby shoes) Baby shoes, (they're so stupid) Baby shoes, Baby shoes, (so freakin' stupid)

---

Ode to Anna

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's celebrity crush, Anna Kendrick, with references to the ongoing joke caused by a glitch by Alexa during one of the shows when Alexa stated someone (NOT Anna Kendrick) ran over pedestrians while drunk driving when Koop asked for something related to Anna.

Lyrics: She's the light on every stage With a smile that turns the page

Anna's here to stay, oh yes With a heart so pure, she's the best

She never takes to roads unwise Keeps her focus on the prize

She'll have a drink, but will not drive. She rather keep those folks alive.

Anna Kendrick, there is no one hotter And she's never done vehicular manslaughter

---

Oh Baby

Koop messing around in Udio. Back in middle school, Koop and Jason would hang out at Jason's house playing computer games. In a time before cell phones were commonplace, and with only one pc, when Koop wasn't actively playing on the computer he'd get antsy and spent his time annoying Jason from time to time. Once such annoyance was when Koop turned the wooden chair he was sitting on around, and then lifting his shirt and sticking his belly to the chair. The chair had a decorative hole on the back, which Koop used to showcase his bellybutton. Koop then proceeded to pinch his belly button so it looked like it was talking while referring to it as "Baby Antinaos" and giggling saying, "don't tickle me, Baby Antinaos!" If memory serves me correctly, Jason was very much annoyed and wanted to punch Koop.

Lyrics: Hey baby, I see you there Your cherub-y face all cover in hair You helped me through my dark times and lows All I can say is don't tickle me, Baby Antinaos! Baby, baby baby, Antinaos! If you haven't come to wash dishes go home!

---

Panda Express Anticipation

Koop messing around in Udio. An ongoing joke when playing the game "Drunken Wrestlers 2" on the show is from an episode where a frequent player (and apparently someone with close ties to the developer of the game) Koop and Jason would run into, BDK, would show up. During a game Koop made up a story in the in-game chat that after the fights BDK was going to take Jason and Koop to Panda Express. They would continue this announcement frequently during the game and even got other players involved who stated they knew BDK when they wouldn't see him join in on their game.

Lyrics: Take Jason and Koop to Panda Express!

When we goin' BDK? When we goin' BDK? When we goin' BDK? When we goin' BDK?

When we goin' BDK? When we goin' BDK? When we goin' BDK? Tell me when we'll dine today?

Will we get sesame chicken? With soy sauce, it’s finger-lickin’ Kung pao shrimp and broccoli beef, dreaming of flavorful feasts

When we goin' BDK? When we goin' BDK?

BDK said he'd treat us right, After the game's done, it's Panda Express delight Spicy orange chicken, oh so fresh Honey walnut shrimp, we won't settle for less

---

Pepe's Melody

Koop messing around in Udio. Koop's mother was a grade school teacher, and occasionally would bring home classroom animals over the summer break. One such classroom pet was a guinea pig named Pepe. Koop found out that when he pet him on his back, Pepe would lift his head up in the air and squeal loudly. It seemed comical, so Koop would play Blur's song "Tax Collector" and would pet him to show Jason how Pepe would react. This happened a few times, but the practice was promptly stopped after a few weeks when Koop noticed that the poor animal had been ripping his own hair out. What seemed like a happy time for the animal was actually torment, and Koop felt horrible.

Lyrics: Well, magic's real when you're with Pep-aye Stroke his back and he'll start to sway Doesn't make sense not to dance along His tiny voice turns into song So much charm, so much glee So why not join his melody? Oh, hey there Pepe! Let's see some more, Let's hear some Blur Maybe "Tax Collector"

Eyes are buggin', Dancing ensues, What's with this hair, You start to lose? Oh no, Pep-ay, let's skip that track, You've ripped out all the hair from your back,

Sorry, bud, but that's just no good, We'd take it back if we know we could.

Pep-ay, Pep-ay, this is your song, Let us say, we know now we were wrong,

If we knew we'd have left you alone, Now we're sad and we must atone.

---

Peppernips, Where Art Thou

Koop messing around in Udio. During a call Koop had with The Jimmer where he was helping Jimmer with some computer issues, he was asking about Jimmer's pets. Koop couldn't remember one of his dog's names, but for some reason thought "Peppernips" was the name (it was actually "Cricket"). Koop thought the dog name he thought of was humorous, so he thought having AI create a song off of a prompt where a dog owner is frustrated that his dog only wants to spend time with his neighbor might be entertaining, so he created it. The song has nothing to do with Cricket, though, other than the mistaken name Koop and Jimmer found humorous.

Will I whine, beg or follow? Yes, I do, my friend Oh yes I do, my friend

Just to have some time, with old Peppernips by my side Neighbor, can't you see, he's supposed to stick by me A simple howl, a friendly bark

---

Perfectly Grilled

Koop messing around in Udio. A song regarding Koop and Jason's ongoing argument about how each prefer ordering their steaks. Since Koop wrote this song, he's defending his stance that "well done" is morally wrong.

Lyrics: Charcoal, mesquite and hickory Both well done and rare are contradictory Rare should be common And well done is a crime If you over-cook your steak You should be doing hard time

Beef is what a great meal makes (ohh wee oh) Show that chef you care Crispy steaks are big mistakes (ohh wee oh) So order your steaks rare! (Yeah!)

Come on! (come on, now!) Eat a brisket and not briquette This isn't some kind of challenge or bet

That cow died so that you can eat Why'd you have to go n desecrate its meat Steak so burnt n dry is a dang travesty It's an insult to the cow, to you, AND to me

(Oh whoh oh, oh whoh oh, oh whoh oh) (Moooooooo) (Oh whoh oh, oh whoh oh, oh whoh oh) (Moooooooo)

Beef is what a great meal makes (ohh wee oh) Show that chef you care Crispy steaks are big mistakes (ohh wee oh) So order your steaks rare! (Yeah!)

---

Power of Maneeeeee

Koop messing around in Udio. A sarcastic song Koop wrote about his ongoing frustration with Star Wars "The Acolyte," the show's horrible writing, and the cast and crew seeming to not understand (nor respect) the original source material.

Lyrics: The power of one The power of two The power of manyyyyyyyyy

They got that thread, Jedi good, Jedi bad All the witches dead Now that sister is sad She's no Jedi, She's a mek-uh-nick Show is so good It makes me sick

The power of one The power of two The power of manyyyyyyyyy So exciting to see These twins getting so far Less destructive than when Anakin blew up the Death Star

The power of one The power of two The power of manyyyyyyyyy (female yelling)

---

Private Numbers

Koop messing around in Udio. A song Koop made using AI to write the lyrics for based on a prompt Koop thought would be funny where the singer is singing a children's song and asking the kids to sneak into their parent's wallet to provide the singer with their mom and dad's personal information found on their driver's license, credit cards, etc.

Lyrics: Well, your mom's out shopping and dad's on a call Sneak to the drawer, big or small Flip through the cards, it's kinda fun Reading numbers one by one So much to find, so much to see They're just numbers, come tell me

---

Put on the Popcorn

Koop messing around in Garageband. A song Koop wrote in Garageband that is just nonsense lyrics he came up with on the fly while testing the application out.

Lyrics: This is a song here You're gonna listen to it Like a baby chicken does (Put on the popcorn, put on the popcorn)

He loves them chicken wings (Put on the popcorn, put on the popcorn) 'Cuz it's on him He don't like to eat 'em, (Put on the popcorn) He likes to wear up 'Cuz he's a chicken (Put on the, put on the, put on the)

---

Rasslemania

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Rasslemania.

Lyrics: Rassle mania! (Spelled with an R!!) Rassle mania! (No infringement!) Rassle mania!! (I guess it's similar) Rassle mania!! (But it's totally different!)

(Ding ding)

Stadium lights are flashin' The crowd is pumped and cheering While the wrestlers enter in That's crap acapella I'm hearing

Koop looks sharp in his suit and tie While Jason's sports his mowing hat Excited to relay and classify The madness n mayhem out on the mat

Rassle mania! (Spelled with an R!!) Rassle mania! (No infringement!) Rassle mania!! (I guess it's sim-you-lar) Rassle mania!! (But it's totally different!)

Oh yeah! Anna Kendrick is reffing the match They're swinging and there's a brutal face scratch Swanton bombs and flying elbows This is one of my favorite shows

This round's a real slobber knocker Really getting molly whopped today Gonna sit back and have myself a lager And imagine when I'll be in that ring some day

Rassle mania! (Spelled with an R!!) Rassle mania! (No infringement!) Rassle mania!! (I guess it's similar) Rassle mania!! (But it's totally different!)

---

Saucy Serenade

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Ketchup Boy.

Lyrics: (Ketchup Boy now) He’s got that bottle, baby (Squeeze it on down) Come on and squirt it 'Till you love it (Ketchup Boy now) The girls are fainting in his presence (Squeeze it on down) Spraying tomato-y essence

(Ketchup Boy now) The girls are fainting in his presence (Squeeze it on down) Spraying his tomato-E essence

Smiling like a god, We are so lucky and so blessed, They start to applaud, Does this icon ever rest? (Ketchup Boy now) How did we survive without you? (Squeeze it on down) Showcase your red tomato goo.

Katsup Bay (Katsup Bay) Katsup Bay (Katsup Bay) Please don't ever go away!

---

Silent Predators

Koop messing around in Udio. A song Koop coaxed the AI into writing lyrics for in which diapers and underwear were carnivorous.

Lyrics: Uh-oh, in the night, they might creep, stealthy feet Sneak to your dreams, as you slumber deep Absorbing fears, not a peep Innocent looks, but secrets they keep So much to hide, so much deceit Who knew the warnings were not just make-believe? You have to beware, of your underwear. Diapers are demons without any hair. Basking in tinkle and fecal remains, Huggies or Pampers, they're not playing games. The diapers absorb, and then they consume. You were so much safer if you stayed in the womb.

---

Silent Torment

Koop messing around in Udio. A song Koop wrote surrounding his phobia of mimes.

Lyrics: Terrifying faces painted Mimes (mimes) mimes Just know that it's you I've hated Mimes (mimes) mimes Scaring children at the park and the fair Mimes (mimes) mimes When will that box run out of air Mimes (mimes) mimes No one wants this act you're tryin' to sell Mimes (mimes) mimes When you never speak it's creepy as hell

White and black all over your dumb face, You're the reason why folks carry mace There is no rope you stupid clown Mimes (mimes) mimes If I had my way you'd be run out of town Mimes (mimes) mimes

Terrorizing since my birth, You should really question your worth, It's not windy, there's no surprise, You make me want to gouge out my eyes Mimes (mimes) mimes You'll sneeze but you don't say ah-chew Mimes (mimes) mimes Worse than a moronic living statue Mimes (mimes) mimes

You're not juggling and there is no rain, Go back to the hellfire from whence you came

---

Skunkape Serenade

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about a past coworker of Koop, Jason, and Jimmer (and even Josh and Jarrod at one point). Although she pronounced most everything else normally, when it came to pronouncing "boxes" or "checks" she would pronounce them "botses" and "chets." This wouldn't have been as big of an issue except she had to announce over the company's intercom daily, "You may now order 'chets' and source." Over time this became something the guys dreaded to hear. Jimmer had come up with the anecdote of her home life and the colorful moniker where her husband would hear her say "botses of chets" and her husband would respond in a gruff voice, "bite yer tongue!"

Lyrics: I've been walkin' down the old dirt lane Met Skunkape, she's a sight, made me shake Her hair's the color of a summer's mornin' pee But it's her words that made me think

She says 'chets and source' with a grin, oh boy Her husband's warnin', 'Bite yer tongue, no joy' Botses and chets, Sits botses of chets. You may now order chets and source! Botses and chets, Sits botses of chets. Skunkape's husband wants a divorce.

---

Streaming with Streams

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about how Koop always says he has to pee really bad.

Lyrics: It was such a nice night, Keeping my bladder leak-tight

Then all a sudden comes the urge, (drip drop) My body has got to purge. (drip drop, drip drop)

Drip drop, drip drop, Feelin' like I'm gonna pop. Gotta pee real bad? Should I rush or run an ad? Want to stay, so now I'm mad, Gotta pee real bad?

It's so bad, I'm goin' to burst, (drip drop) Oh dear god, this is the worst. (drip drop, drip drop) Feel like it's goin' to spray out my eyes, Why is my bladder such a small size?

Drip drop, drip drop, Feelin' like I'm gonna pop. Gotta pee real bad? Should I rush or run an ad? Want to stay, so now I'm mad, Gotta pee real bad?

I'm really not an angry man, (drip drop) I just need to get to the can, (drip drop, drip drop) I'm feeling highly explosive, If I'm not safe, I gotta give.

Drip drop, drip drop, Feelin' like I'm gonna pop. Gotta pee real bad? Should I rush or run an ad? Want to stay, so now I'm mad, Gotta pee real bad?

I think my face is turning blue. (drip drop) Chat yells "just go!" and I gotta do, (drip drop, drip drop) Body's shaking, God I gotta piss, How much longer can I endure this?

Drip drop, drip drop, Feelin' like I'm gonna pop. Gotta pee real bad? Should I rush or run an ad? Want to stay, so now I'm mad, Gotta pee real bad?

Drip drop, drip drop, Feelin' like I'm gonna pop. Gotta pee real bad? Should I rush or run an ad? Want to stay, so now I'm mad, Gotta pee real bad?

Pissssssss!

---

Super Masters of Inquiry

Koop messing around in Udio. A classic rock song about Koop and Jason's ongoing quest to inform the world of knowledge beyond knowledge using their Super Master Doctor degrees spanning all of human wisdom. They have a book on the subject, too, but at the time of this writing it's still in the editing stages before it will be able to be published.

Lyrics: Because of your defiance Of understanding science We take you on as clients So stand on the shoulders of giants (Super super super master doctor)

What's the velocity of your pee? How do baby shoes work? You can actively agree Or just sit in chat an lurk

(Super Super Super Super Master Doctors!)

You know light travels up most efficiently? And mimes are not really human? Indian food is not great (even if for free) You should never eat so much cumin

Super (ohh!) Master (yeah!) Super Master Doctor

Super (ohh!) Master (yeah!) Super Master Doctor

Jason and Koop will teach you the way All you gotta do is pay (Super chats!) They always know just what to say With all the complex science they convey

Ohh Super! (super) Master! (Master!) Super Master Doctors

Oh yeah, Super! (SUPER!) Master! (Master!) 

Super Master Doctors

---

Sweet Cinamonz

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Fireball cinnamon whiskey, which Koop refers to on the show as "Sweet Cinamonz."

Lyrics: Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons, (sweet cinnamons) Sugar and gasoline Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons, (sweet cinnamons) Your flavor is obscene

Down the hatch, the Sweet Cinnamons go People have voted, the spice must flow

Why'd they make such an awful drink? Tastes like it's made in someone's sink

Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons (Sweet Cinnamons) Your flavor makes me so sick Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons (Sweet Cinnamons) Rather stab my face with a rusty ice pick Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons, One of the worst things I've ever had Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons, And you should feel bad

Mmmmm, Sweet cinnamons (sweet sweet cinnamons) Mmmmm, Sweet cinnamons (sweet sweet cinnamons) Sweet sweet cinnamons!

---

Tacos and Benji

Koop messing around in Garageband. Another song Koop wrote using Garageband very late at night. Zero direction on this one, he just started creating and recording his voice. The title of the song has nothing to do with the lyrics, and the only thing that can be taken from the lyrics is someone breaking their wrists by improperly performing a handstand.

Lyrics: Make it go away way You gotta uhhhh Not to form your hands Into a handstand And then break your wrists

---

That Kind of Show

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's catchphrase: "It's a family show?".

Lyrics: Oh my god (Geez) Oh dear lord I just can't believe What my ears just heard

If you're in the know Why I say "oh no!" Watch that language you throw 'Cuz it's a family show!!!

You come in here with that potty mouth You should take that language south And by "south" I mean where the demons dwell That gutter language comes straight from .. heck

Family (Family, yeah!) It's a Family Show! We never think you'd stoop so low Family (Family, hey!) It's a Family Show! Sometimes we make accidents, though

We sometimes say things on accident And your words don't have to be sacrament But if you speak like an nasty serpent You are just the devil's servant

(HEY!) Family (Family, yeah!) It's a Family Show! We never think you'd stoop so low Family (Family, hey!) It's a Family Show! Sometimes we make accidents, though

You come in here n start flippin' the bird Yellin' the F, and the C, and even the Q-word! Go right now, wash your mouth out with soap Before the mods come after you with a rope!

Family (Family, yeah!) It's a Family Show! We never think you'd stoop so low Family (Family, hey!) It's a Family Show! Sometimes we say some bad words, though

When you curse it only makes you look bad Use cleaner words and don't make us feel sad We might think lesser of you even if it's a tad All because of the poor word choices you had!

(HEY!) Family (Family, yeah!) It's a Family Show! We never think you'd stoop so low Family (Family, hey!) It's a Family Show! Sometimes we make accidents, though

It's a family show (fu fu fu family show) It's a family show (oh yeah, a family show) It's a family show (uh huh, a friggin family show) And, so now you better freakin' know!

[spoken] Wait, was that a bad word? Awww, DAMN IT!

---

The Gazelle Place

Koop messing around in Udio. While working together during the early 2000's in their office job, Koop decided to fill a break in conversation by making up a fabricated story to Jason starting with, "Remember when..." The tale of "The Gazelle Place" was a simple one. Jason was excited to go on a road trip with Koop, and Koop got him a package of "yellow and blue make green seal" Ziplock bags to play with on the journey. When they got there, everyone there were full of smiles. There was a group of nuns, and some girl scouts or boy scouts, and some other people all excited and happy to see the gazelles. But while telling the story, Koop would change the tone and say how horrible it was what they were doing there, and extend the reveal of what it was as long as possible. When it came to the reveal (after a HUGE buildup) it was revealed that they were washing the gazelles. This story went on to be retold during Jimmer's radio show, "Wooden Breakfast" when Koop called in as a psychologist and played a recording of a patient retelling the story fairly close to the original tale. The story now lives on in musical form in this song.

Lyrics: See the world, and join the spree Zip those bags, come along with me Jason's thrilled, can't you tell? We're off to the place, it's Gazelle Feeling good, it's understood It's Gazelle, oh Nuns in robes, and scouts in green Smiles around, a joyful scene Laughter's loud, hearts are light In Gazelle, where the stars shine bright Jason's grin, it's so wide In Gazelle, oh But clouds rolled in, the skies turned gray Whispers spread, fear had its way Jason's eyes, now filled with dread In Gazelle, where our hopes had fled

Tears fall down, on trembling hands The joy was lost in those darkened lands Echoes haunt, in Gazelle Rain falls down, like a mournful bell Jason's cries, they pierce the night In the place where wrongs took flight

The gazelles, they wash them clean But in water flows the unseen Voices hush, the town stands still With each drop, more dreams to kill Jason's voice, a broken plea In Gazelle, where shadows flee

Oh, they were washing them! They were washing them!

---

The Question

Koop messing around in Udio. During their middle school days, Koop and Jason had a friend named Jimmy who loved nothing more than to talk about Nintendo's "WrestleMania Steel Cage." Every opportunity he had he would approach Jason or Koop and ask them a series of questions, in succession, with increased intensity, and often repeating himself. Occasionally he'd add some personal anecdotes about his own gaming experiences amongst the questioning, but overall the experience of the line of questioning was consistent enough to the point to be predictable.

Lyrics: Let me ask you a question...(pause) Do you have a Nintendo? Do you own WrestleMania Steel Cage? Have you ever played it? Do you own it? Have you ever played WrestleMania Steel Cage? Have you played it?

Hey, have you ever played Nintendo? Have you played WrestleMania Steel Cage? Do you own it? Have you ever played it? Do you own it? Do you own it? Do you have a Nintendo? WrestleMania Steeeeeeel Cage! Do you have a Nintendo? Do you have WrestleMania Steel Cage? Do you have it? Have you ever played it?

---

The Reason Why

Koop messing around in Udio. Back in middle school, Koop was at his friend, Tim's, house playing video games. While Tim was becoming increasingly frustrated with a level, Koop found one of Tim's sibling's stuff animal teddy bears that had silk gloves attached to it's hands. Koop then puppeteered the animal and made up an annoying song which the lyrics were "The reason why you cannot play, is because I wear white gloves." The song was annoying, the bear was annoying, and the fact it was wearing gloves turned out to be overly annoying, which if memory serves Koop correctly, caused Tim to throw the bear across the room in a fit of rage.

Lyrics: Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh (Yeah, yeah, can't you see it's me?) Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh (Yeah, yeah) Yeah

I'm the bear that's livin' in your game machine Why you struggle with the joystick scene? (Scene) In my fluffy arms, it's a tech routine (Tech routine) The reason why you cannot play is because I wear white gloves In this digital maze, I'm the one that you love (Love) Electric vibes, neon lights above My circuits hum, a coded serenade (Oh, oh) I'm the ghost in your arcade (Arcade) Pixels flash as you try and fail (Fail) But I'm the glitch in your fairy tale The reason why you cannot play is because I wear white gloves In this digital maze, I'm the one that you love (Love) Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh (Yeah, yeah, can't you see it's me?) Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh (Yeah, yeah) Yeah

I'm the bear that's livin' in your game machine Why you struggle with the joystick scene? (Scene) In my fluffy arms, it's a tech routine (Tech routine)

---

Unrequited Partnership

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's continued attempt to somehow get Triscuit to sponsor the show, and leans into the fact that he thinks they blocked his email since they completely stopped responding to his emails years ago.

Lyrics: [chanting]Mondelēz [chanting]Mondelēz [chanting]Mondelēz International

[chanting]Mondelēz [chanting]Mondelēz [chanting]Mondelēz International

Mondelēz International How come you're so irrational Why do you see my emails and skip It's clear we should be in partnership

For Triscuit there is no better fit Agree to sponsorship, and we'll do it Go ahead and sign off on that release for press When folks think "Triscuit", they think: G-F-t-D-S

Health's important, and we stay hydrated Even though exercise is so hated Beer is pretty much water, and that's a known fact Look at my core: immaculate! Now let's just sign that pact

It's kinda difficult for me to not throw a fit When reminded we're STILL not sponsored by Triscuit! We'll wish, and hope, and pray that some day we will And when that day comes, our dreams they will fulfill

Triscuit (Triscuit) Triscuit! Let's get on that sponsorship! Games From the Drunk Side! Or we'll have to continue this guilt trip

---

Wanna Muffin

Koop messing around in Udio. Based on a true tale of events that transpired while hanging out at his friend, Tim's house back in middle school, Koop and Tim were sitting on the floor in the basement playing Super Nintendo and one of Tim's little brothers was heard approaching them from behind. Koop turned around to see Tim's brother extending his hand out holding a muffin while saying "Wanna muffin?" while his other hand was shoved down the front of his pants. Koop was appalled and declined the offer of the muffin, and the boy shrugged and began eating the muffin and walked off. After Tim's brother left to go upstairs, Koop explained to Tim why Koop couldn't stop laughing.

Lyrics: Hey, hey, wanna muffin? Got a treat in my other hand Don't know where my fingers been But trust, it's all fun, no plan

Wanna muffin? (muffin?) Got a sweet treat, take a bite

Hey, hey, wanna muffin? Got a snack that's oh so grand Might be crumbs on my shirt But it's all part of the fun, understand

Wanna muffin? (muffin?) Get a taste, it's outta sight

Wanna muffin? (Muffin?) Got my fingers, doing a dance Eating sweet treats while I prance With my right hand down my pants

Hey, hey, now you're laughin' Sugar rush, come join the band

---

Watchful Eye

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's cat, KK (literally named "KK" after "Koop's Kitten"), who is almost always present during the show, watching over everything that transpires during the program.

Lyrics: KK's watchful eye Games played on the drunk side Floating up high

In her gaze, the scenes align Threads of chaos dance in time She ensures the game is fine On the board, the pieces move, Her mind’s sharp, she’s in the groove, She won’t let the chaos reign, Guiding lines, through each refrain,

KK's watchful eye Games played on the drunk side

Through the laughter and the cheer, KK’s presence always near, With a paw, she swipes and bends, Making sure the fun transcends,

Her fur streaked with shadow's light, She keeps the balance, day and night

---

We Are the Home Girls

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about a time during the early 2000's when Koop, Jason, and Justin (AKA: Athiest Boy) lived together as room mates. During this time in history, Jason and Koop surprised Justin with a very basic computer for him to get online with. After getting him set up with his new system there was a humorous "Love on AOL" entry they found that had a very jolly looking lady whose screenname was titled "We're the Homegirls!" Jason and Koop made this Justin's desktop background for him, which he was "overjoyed" with, given that at the time he didn't know how to undo it. Around the same period of time another friend of theirs, Vavra, had convinced someone to bring a can of bread (yes, this is a real thing) to the Pizza Hut he worked at asking for "Apple Fritter" while Vavra hid in the back.

Lyrics: Apple Fritter's got nothing on me! (Apple Fritter) Apple Fritter's got nothing on me! (Apple Fritter)

Check out these beautiful curves, Don't let them rattle your nerves, Showcasing my beautiful curls, Oh yeah, we are the home girls!

Come on, boys, don't leave me here all alone, You can just leave that canned bread at home, If Justin walks away from his PC, Just set his desktop with a picture of me. (We are the home girls!)

Check out these beautiful curves, Don't let them rattle your nerves, Showcasing my beautiful curls, Oh yeah, we are the home girls! Who knew true love was on AOL, I guess I got one more secret to tell, Athiest Boy, I think I'm enamored, Let's get some Boone's Farm and go get hammered! (We are the home girls!)

Check out these beautiful curves, Don't let them rattle your nerves, Showcasing my beautiful curls, Oh yeah, we are the home girls! (We are the home girls!)

Check out these beautiful curves, (We are the home girls!) Don't let them rattle your nerves, Showcasing my beautiful curls, (We are the home girls!) Oh yeah, we are the home girls! (We are the home girls!) Oh yeah, we are the home girls! (We are the home girls!)

---

Weave of Resilience

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about baskets. There's not much more to say about that. Just baskets.

Lyrics: Until the harvest's done Until the job is spun Don't you ever give in No no never give in Until the work's complete Strength in every weave

Baskets hold our daily bread, secure our every seed Woven tales of diligence, they fulfill every need

Raise up your baskets, hold them to the sky Symbols of our toil, under the sun they dry Let's sing for baskets, steadfast and so strong In every fiber, our spirit lives on

---