Countdown Music

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Prior to the start of the show, Koop runs a countdown that showcases the games planned for the night while Koop works with R4 on making sure everything is running smoothly prior to the start. Historically, there was background music comprised of royalty free tunes, but starting with episode #619 ("We Witnessed an x5") Koop introduced a full selection of custom made songs, each with some relevance to GFtDS lore, comedic style, and/or have a special backstory. The following are those songs, and the significance to their lyrics.

UPDATE: Due to the fact people seemed to hate Koop's custom made music, these countdown musical selections were reverted back to the slightly-less-despised royalty free options starting with episode #708. 

Lyrics in red are lyrics directly written by Koop
Lyrics in blue are lyrics generated by AI via prompts Koop provided
Lyrics in purple were a unique combined effort of significant manual effort along with AI prompting by Koop

Angry Sleeps

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about how Koop will occasionally go to bed early and angry as a means of dealing with a relatively bad or upsetting day. His sleeping generally results in dreams where he's just having a normal day working, or getting shot at or hunted down, though, so the trade off from reality isn't exactly much benefit.

Lyrics: 

Angry (oh angry, angry) Angry sleeps
Gonna dream away my anger,
Gonna count those freakin' sheeps

While this world falls apart around you
And you feel like a piece of crap
Just put this existence behind you
And have yourself an angry nap

When you wake, things won't be better
And you can't hide like this forever
But this world's such a joyless endeavor
Might as well be grumpy and do whatever

Wake up, and then go to work 
Maybe eat, and then go to bed
Don't think about this routine too much 
Or it'll hurt your head

They say never go to bed mad
But that's just for couples only
Think of all the girlfriends you've never had
And how you're so freakin' lonely
(Hahaha, such a loser!)

Such sleep is not a refuge
When you get so irate
Yet somehow this is better
As it fills your heart and dreams with hate

Angry (oh angry, angry) Angry sleeps
You can't fix everything that's wrong
Just be mad about it and nap strong
(Nap strong!)

Anna Kendrick News

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Anna Kendrick News, with a reference to Koop's Mailing_To_Anna.

Lyrics: 

Closing in on midnight
Gonna get my news  tonight
Sunday Koop reports the news
With Anna Kendrick facts we all can use

What's that movie she was in?
How does she stay so neat?
Where has she gone? Where has she been?
What size are her feet? (Size seven!)

Who's she dating? What's she wearing?
How's she so funny and still a fox?
When is her brand new movie airing?
Why did Koop send her socks?

Anna Kendrick, Anna Kendrick, Anna Kendrick News!
TV, movies, history, and even interviews!
Anna Kendrick, Anna Kendrick, Anna Kendrick News!
She ain't hooked on any drugs; She's not abusing booze!

What's she really like on set?
Why hasn't she fired her agent yet?
Does she have a private stylist?
Will she send Koop a cease and desist?

Anna Kendrick, Anna Kendrick, Anna Kendrick News!
TV, movies, history, and even interviews!
Anna Kendrick, Anna Kendrick, Anna Kendrick News! 

C'mon guys, she's not on drugs; She's NOT abusing booze!!

Back Gravy

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Back Gravy.

Lyrics: 

When fear takes hold
It’s such a disgrace
A moment so bold
But I can’t erase
That midnight mark
(It’s spreading near)
In the dark, silent and clear
Feel the chill, as it draws near
Back gravy, can't conceal the stain
Embarrassment, like acid rain
What’s this mess (mess, mess)
A creeping trail that won’t disguise
A mark of stress, oh, the rude surprise
Ghost knuckles, oh what's that pain?
A phantom grip that leaves a stain

In techno lights, the shadow's clear
Nothing to hide, the truth revealed
Embarrassment too real to feel
Oh, in the beat, that phantom thread
We dance around, but it's in our head
A flicker bright as memories spread
And when you turn, ghost knuckles, dread

Be Sure to Wash Your Hands

Koop messing around in Udio. A song in reference to Jason's closing remarks a few times when ending the show to "Wash your hands".

Lyrics: 

(Wash your hands now)
Got soap and water, baby
(Clean it all down)
Come on and scrub it
Till you love it
(Wash your hands now)

Washhhhhh your hands.
Come on and keep those digits clean.
Washhhhhh your hands.
Make your cleanliness be seen.

Hey, yo! Let's get a friggin saxophone up in here!
[Sax Solo]

If cleanliness is next to godliness,
Then don't get diarrhea, yo

Big Time

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Big Follows. The intro of the song actually includes the actual text from one of the Big Follows messages we've received during the show, but with the website address censored out.

Lyrics: 

Hello, sorry for bothering you
I want to offer promotion of your channel, viewers, followers, views, chat bots, etc...The price is lower than any competitor, the quality is guaranteed to be the best.   Flexible and convenient order management panel, chat panel, everything is in your hands, a huge number of custom settings. Go to <censored> dot com

Big Follows has graced us today,
We can have viewers so long as we pay,
Only top quality views,
You bring the eyeballs, I bring the booze.

CC Song 1

Koop messing around in Garageband. A song created on Garageband by Koop, who was still trying to figure out how to create songs in Garageband, and his cat, CC (Koop's daughter named the cat Chocolate Cake, but Koop referred to her as CC for short), was in the room, so he made a reference to her when recording his vocals.

Lyrics: 

Hey, yo, CC!  
Ughhhhh

Circuit Breaker

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about the show's lovable (but often faulty) droid, R4-GFtDS.

Lyrics: 

Uh oh oh, R4
Look at ya go, R4
What do you know, R4?
Oh oh, make it so, R4
Uh ohhhh

The Hindrance ship is in shambles, and R4 scrambles
Trying to manage all the functions he handles

Dangit, what broke now?  
R4-GFtDS is to blame
Such a dumb droid, wow!  
And such a stupid name!
And such a lazy, idiotic, stupid name!

Some say he's overworked and underpaid
He's a robot, so: never been laid (Hey!!  It's a family show!)

But even though, if that's the case
He needs to work harder and pick up the pace
Fewer problems, no more errors
Stop calling Koop and Jason "terrors"

Listen to them, and do your work
Be a useful droid, and not a jerk
 
Uh oh, R4 (R4), uh oh, R4 (R4)
Uh oh, R4 (R4), uh oh, R4 (R4)

Dang it, R4, just do your job!
You're going to make Koop start to sob
R4 (R4), please mend your ways
Tell us these issues are just a phase

Listen to me, and to what we sing
Do you really want re-programming?
Fix your sh--, and bring the guys a brew 
So dumb, it's like Koop programmed you

Cowuhflowhuh Eahurh

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about the condition called cauliflower ear.

Lyrics: 

Face was against the mat for too long
Could tell from the swelling something was wrong
My cartilage is lumpy and full of pus
Comes with the territory: so let's discuss

Cowwwuhflahwwhuh EEEeeehYUHHH!
I probably should've worn some head gear
Cowwwuhflahwwhuh  EEEeeehYUHHH!
Ears are tender. Children run in fear

Ears looking like some burnt mashed potato
If I squeeze one open it sprays out mayo
Gotta be careful or they may just pop
Clean up that chunky mess with a bucket and mop

Cowwwuhflahwwhuh EEEeeehYUHHH!
I probably should've worn some head gear
Cowwwuhflahwwhuh  EEEeeehYUHHH!
Ears are tender. Children run in fear

I should probably do something, but I don't know what
Been so long now that my ears have swelled shut
The chunks are all hardened and stiff to the touch
Chopping them off completely wouldn't bother me much

Cowwwuhflahwwhuh EEEeeehYUHHH!
I probably should've worn some head gear
Cowwwuhflahwwhuh  EEEeeehYUHHH!
Ears are tender. Children run in fear

Download Game

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about "The Download Game"

Lyrics: 

Time to play a game, and it's gonna be grand!
Got the PC on (yeah!), controller's in hand!
Launching Steam now, this is why we all came!
(Neat!)  There's an update!  It's time for the Download Game!!

I'm so good at this one, just gotta sit and stare
A game so perfect, nothing else can compare
Watching that progress bar might make it go faster
Just sit back and watch this Download Game master

Download Game!  (yeah!) Download Game! 
Started ages ago but progress still looks the same!
Are you working, are you broken, or are you just frozen?
You're the funnest game I've never ever chosen! (yeah!)

Watching those bit go by, it's such a neat thrill!
Nothing more fun than watching that progress bar fill!
We were at zero percent, but now we're at eight!
All I can say is this Download Game is so great! (YEAH!)

Download Game!  (yeah!) Download Game! 
Started ages ago but progress still looks the same!
Are you working, are you broken, or are you just frozen?
You're the funnest game I've never ever chosen! (yeah!)

I know I'm being modest when I say I'm so good at this
Playing the Download Game is full of pure bliss.
Man, time really flies!  Don't know where it all went
Look at us now, we're at one-hundred percent! (yeah!)

Exercise Beat

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Triscuit Exercise of the Week.

Lyrics: 

Come on (come on)
Get up on your feet
Triscuit makes good snacks to eat
They don't (yet) sponsor us, but that's okay
Do the Triscuit Exercise of the Week Today

How many reps? (Triscuit!)
Can feel it in your core.
In another week (Yeah!)
You can do it some more.

Ohhh, Triscuit Exercise of the Week
You're the health plan that I seek
Triscuit, let me say before I digress,
You should really consider sponsoring GFtDS

Scratch at your belly
Free those enzymes
Sweat's so smelly
Triscuit exercise times!

Watch your form 
and don't over-do it,
Your body's warm,
So go ahead and sit (Sit!)

Glden Bull

Koop messing around in Udio. A song related to a series of spam emails Koop has been receiving regularly for almost half a decade on almost a daily basis, which he manually forwards to Jason. Each email is somehow different, and is sent between 1-2 times a day from "Golden Bull" and directed to someone the GldenBull website thinks is named Emma. Koop never signed up for these emails, but the fact he gets them humors him. Most of the emails claim to offer Emma some sort of Native American shaman ceremonies for a cost and the result is promised to be unfathomable wealth. Other emails are warnings of impending doom if Emma doesn't pay for Golden Bull's services to ward off evil spirits or whatnot. If you go to the website there is only one image of the infamous Golden Bull, and if you inspect the image it's aptly named, "character.webp", so Koop threw in a little line that wasn't in the emails related to this insight. Another fun fact is that the website, despite being touted as a Native American shaman living in the US, is actually owned and operated by someone in Reykjavik, Iceland according to the ICANN database. The lyrics for the song are in purple because the creation of the lyrics was not exactly just the work of Udio's AI, but several hours of manuallys organizing email content, utilizing ChatGPT, and many many iterations of prompts to get the lyrics written.

Lyrics: 

The fire was dim but sparked again, now burning bright forever,
A red crow cried, its chilling sound still echoes in me.
Golden Bull, your guide and friend, with wisdom deep, I now extend,
I’ve sent you emails, can’t you see? The path ahead is wild and free.

Trust in Golden Bull, your path is clear; a brighter future’s drawing near,
Move quickly, don’t let time slip away, a new dawn begins today.
The wolf, the eagle, all take flight, guiding you through darkest night,
But Emma, why no word from you? I’m worried, don’t you feel it too?

The white eagle soars, the wolf howls loud; these signs will break the darkest cloud,
The talisman of strength you hold, will guide you to the lands of gold.
Golden Bull knows the way, the truth within you starts today.

Trust in Golden Bull, your path is clear; a brighter future’s drawing near,
I’ve sent you notes, I’ve sent you signs, please don’t ignore these sacred lines.
The hawk, the bear, all spirits strong, will guide you where you now belong,
But Emma, why no word from you? I’m worried, don’t you feel it too?

But now the time has come to see, my birth name is Character Web P.,
I’m Golden Bull, your guide, your friend, with you until the very end.
The talisman will light the way, as Golden Bull leads you today.

Golden Naps

Koop messing around in Udio. A simple song about someone who finds joy in watching someone sleeping and hoping they'll pee their pants in their sleep, only to get too excited when it happens and wakes up the sleeping individual. This one was particularly fun to create as unlike most of the Udio songs, Koop let the AI generate all the lyrics based on Koop's prompts.

Lyrics: 

Taking notes, can't believe my eyes tonight
Every breath you take, it's such a sight

Giddy grins, when your lips part in sleep
Hopin' you don't mind, secrets I keep

Drool so sweet, a sign you're deep in dreams
Wonder if tonight, you'll let go streams

And as you twist and turn, I hold my breath
Can’t help but laugh, you make a mess
Every sigh, it's like a melody
Love the way you drift, so wild and free
If you wake, will you be mad to know?
That I watched you dream, with such a glow

Midnight whispers, couldn't hold inside
Every twitch you make, feels like a ride
Heartbeats race, when your lashes flutter
In my head, I’m singing like no other

But then your eyes, they open wide, you see me here
You scream and shout, I'm filled with fear

Good Job, Koop

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's catchphrase "I did a really good job," but sang from the perspective of when viewership appeases his ego by telling Koop he did a good job (when it's generally a menial task).

Lyrics:

[verse]
Something stupid broke three whole weeks ago.
You try to fix the bug.  You should just do the show.
Eight more weeks go by.  The problem still remains.
It could have been fixed if you just had some brains.

Two more stupid issues come up.
You're angry and irate.
You take a big drink from your cup.
What's broken you create.

You make a little change here and there.
What's this, you ACTUALLY fixed something?!!
Nobody else honestly seems to care,
And so, that's why we sing:

Hey, good job, Koop! Good job, Koop!
You did a really good job!
We still think you're a nincompoop,
But we guess you fixed your prob.

So now you're focused on the game at hand.
Gameplay you don't seem to understand.
It's like you've never played a game before.
You take three steps and you die some more.

It's an hour in.  You've died yet again.
You'd think practice would make you get better.
We've forgotten how many times that's been.
As a loser you're a real trend-setter!

You try and try, and then you try some more.
It's aggravating watching you play.
OH MY GOD! You've reached the next floor!!!
And this is why we say:

Hey, good job, Koop! Good job, Koop!
You did a really good job!
People say that you look like poop,
And the ladies all think you're a slob!

Heyyyyyyy, good job, Koop! Good job, Koop!
You did a really good job!
Ugliest person in your friend group,
And you're shaped like an amorphous blob!!!

You did a really good job!

Gravy Intruders

Koop messing around in Udio. Another Udio song where Koop gave AI full reign of the lyrics based on his prompts. He thought it would be fun to try some different musical stylings, and the idea of someone who was overly protective of their gravy would be humorous.

Lyrics: 

All they do is dip, they cross the line, uh
Sneak they fingers in my gravy, it's a crime, yeah
I just wanna eat without them lunchtime thugs
They sneakin' in, contaminating my grub, aye
I got that sauce, they can't resist the flow
I tell 'em back up, let my gravy bowl go
Every meal it's the same, they interrupting
I'm 'bout to lay down some rules, won't tell 'em nothin'

I hate it, I hate it, my gravy they take it, invade it
They breachin', no asking, just takin'
They dip, they dive, fingers in my plate, why
They crave the taste, but bruh, that's mine, bye
Gotta lock it down, secure the spot
Find another sauce, 'cause mine's too hot
They got sticky hands thinkin' they so sly
I'ma draw the line, say yo, not this time

No more, no more, my gravy's on lock, no score
They reaching, not finding, my gravy's all mine
Got my eyes peeled, guardin' my terrain, uh
Fingerprints on my plate, ain't playin' games, nah
They try to sneak a taste, I'm wise to their plot
Got my gravy on lockdown, it's all I got, for real
I'm just tryna dine in peace, keep to my side
But they creepin' round my table like some gravy spies, yeah
I lay my napkin down, it's like a flag unfurled
Mark my territory, this is my gravy world

It's a no-fly zone, around my gravy plate
Try to cop a swipe, but they too late

Iron Jason / Iron Jason (Anomaly)

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Iron Jason. There are two versions of this song, as the Udio AI literally had a breakdown at one point and just started screaming in the song when it was never prompted to. The randomness of the generation made Koop almost spit out his water when he was reviewing the entry, so after speaking with Jason they agreed both versions should exist in the lineup. A reference to "big doints (in Amish)" is a callback to a viral video clip of a heavy set guy saying this catchphrase (although I think that guys was trying to say "doinks") while smoking in front of some cornstalks. A video somewhere exists of Jason recording himself in the winter and jokingly mimicked the clip using his winter breath as though it was smoke and saying this same catchphrase.

Lyrics:

A tense feeling's in the air
He's got that dire icy stare
His determination is infinite
He fights and fights; he won't submit!

Hitting the buttons with such intensity
His skills seem extrasensory
He won't give up, he will not fail
Hell yeah, in the end Iron Jason will prevail!

Iron!  Iron Jason!
Fighting towards our destination!
You're the gamer on whom we depend!
We know this time you'll reach the end!

Amazing to watch someone so skilled!
Don't give Koop controls: he'll get you killed!
So many wins, so many points
Jason's got those big fat doints (in Amish!)

Iron Jason!! (Yeah!)

It's Only Dreamz

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about the time when Koop was in college and took a trip to Japan with his friend, Vavra (RIP), to visit their friend, Clark, who was living there at the time working for a local prefecture teaching and working as a translator. During their trip, Vavra and Koop traveled the country and had many adventures, but when visiting Tokyo the two were needing a place to stay and due to Koop's inability to read Japanese, and Vavra's limited recollection of the language from high school, they ended up accidentally booking a one night stay in a love hotel. When they got to the room the reality of the situation set in when they spotted the heart-shaped bed and only pornographic channels were available on the tv. In the room there was an advertisement for mail-in adult products. The wording of one ad on the pamphlet they found was, "Have you ever dreamed of a flying high," and it became a recurring comical reference from that point on. Vavra slept on the bed that night while Koop insisted on sleeping on a wicker bench which was the only other form of furniture in the room.

Lyrics: 

Have you ever dreamed of a flying high?
(Have you ever dreamed)
Have you ever dreamed of a flying high?
(Of a flying high?)

There's dusty vibrations,
With a heart-shaped bed,
And a wicker bench 
that really hurts my head,
This experience we'll look back on and laugh,
But for now I just need a 10 hour bath.

Have you ever dreamed of a flying high?
(Have you ever dreamed)
Have you ever dreamed of a flying high?
(Of a flying high?)

Have you ever dreamed of a flying high?
(Have you ever dreamed)
Have you ever dreamed of a flying high?
(Of a flying high?)

It's Webbin Time

Koop messing around in Udio. A song in reference to Koop's rant from Koop's rant about the movie "Madame Web" from episode #610: "The Needful Was Done."

Lyrics: 

"Madame Web," you have done so much.
You fix and heal everything you touch.
No more sepsis, no more disease.
Blindness is cured, no one disagrees.
Half-polio is but history,
You're a cinematic victory.
"Madame Web," your plot lines run so deep,
Your costumes and F-X don't all look cheap
Thanks to "The Marvels" and "Eternals",
They paved the way to your masterpiece.
Because of you, there is no sickness,
We may now only have world peace.
So brave, and yet, so stunning,
You redefine great motion pictures.
So thoughtful and so cunning,
One day you'll be in the scriptures.

Lost in the Chat

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about how Koop misses chat messages and when he doesn't he tends to misread or not understand, like he's an idiot.

Lyrics: 

Hey Koop, why don't you read chat?
You blind or just too good for that?
We've been trying to message you
The text is there, so here's your cue.

Put down your dang beverages
And read our freaking messages
You've ignored us for far too long
We are right and you are wrong
 
You stupid, or are you just illiterate?
I feel we're being quite considerate.
Ignoring chat like some kind of idiot
Your job is just basically to sit

You seriously can't be that unaware
Your are dumb, or maybe you just don't care
Consider this intervention, not an attack
But I'll be wanting all those super chats back

Oh great, so now you're finally tryin to read
You struggle as you try to get back up to speed
Should probably give up and just concede
Hearing you speak is making my ears bleed

Reading like you never graduated 1st grade
You're just as horrible at that game you played
Can't read, can't play, can't comprehend, can't decide
Only thing you're good at is gettin' chunky and wide

Midnight Munchies

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Jason's snacking habits during the show, but from the perspective of what is to believed the average female viewer.

Lyrics: 

Jason's burnin' up them calories
Let's skip all those formalities
He's gotta eat so he can stay strong
And play video games all night long

Jason's burnin' up them calories
Let's skip all those formalities
He's gotta eat so he can stay strong
And play video games all night long

Nom nom nom (what?!)
Nom nom nom (yeah!)
Nom nom nom (WHAT?!)
Nom nom nom (YEAH!!)
He's got mini muffins, and some sugar cookies
He's got Frito-Lay Munch: mislabeled as "Munchies"
Crackers, pretzels, M&M's and more
It's never ending, he's got the whole store

Nom nom nom (what?!)
Nom nom nom (yeah!)
Nom nom nom (WHAT?!)
Nom nom nom (YEAH!!)
 
He's going in for another bite
I could watch Jason eating all night
Chewing his food all into a pulp
(Oh hell yeah!) He's thirsty now and taking a big gulp!

Come on, Jason, what's your next snack?
Open those treats and start to unpack! (nom nom)
If you eat too much you might sleep on stream
We'll watch and wonder just what you might dream!

He's such a stud, and he looks so yummy
Come on, Jason, put those snacks in your tummy

Nom nom nom (what?!)
Nom nom nom (yeah!)
Nom nom nom (WHAT?!)
Nom nom nom (YEAH!!)

Nom nom nom (what?!)
Nom nom nom (yeah!)
Nom nom nom (WHAT?!)
Nom nom nom, NOM NOM!! 
(Mmmmm, so good)

Mowing Hat

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Jason's amazing mowing hat (hats (plural) now, since his wife got him a bunch of different ones) that he wears when he mows, and sometimes wears on the show.

Lyrics: 

With that hat, he's charming
Jason's mowing, it's a grand affair
All the neighbors stop to stare
When he's grinning, hearts are winning
So they chant what you want, what you need
He’s a star in that mowing cap (star in that mowing cap)
In the sunshine, it gleams so bright
On his head, it feels just right
Every lady's caught his eye
With each pass, he cuts and flies
He's their hero in disguise

When he's strutting in that mowing cap
And the breeze just flatters his stance
He trims with precision, an art of romance
With every wave, they swoon aside
Oh, that hat, it's more than just pride

They whisper softly, 'Who's that man?'
Behind the brim, he’s got a plan
In that hat, he's bold and grand
Jason's stride, a rhythmic band
Whispers chase him, through the yard
Like a siren, in their hearts

With each mow, a story told
Dreams of him, a sight to behold
He's a legend in their tales
Mower's hum, like love-filled gales
Every step, a hero's march
In that hat, he leaves his mark

When he tips it, there's delight
In the garden's soft twilight

My Song

Koop messing around in Garageband. Koop's first attempt at making a song in Garageband. He was confused by the setup, which is apparent from the song, as the lyrics are his voice modulated and questioning why it played music and then a long silence.

Lyrics: 

The hell?
The hell... why?
It went dik dik dik dik and then stopped.
Hey!  
Dangit!

Nap Strong

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's favorite activity: sleeping, which utilizes Koop's catchphrase of "Nap Strong," that was also printed on the inside of the show's custom printed silicone bracelets.

Lyrics:

Got 30k
On that count of thread
Out of my way
I'm off to bed

My pillow calls
Gonna count some sheep
Rest my eyeballs
And drift off to sleep

'Cuz I gotta NAP STRONG!!
(Nap strong!)
All night long!
Gonna nap strong!
(Nap strong!!)
All day long!

So come on, now 
Let me get some rest
I can show you how
I get all decompressed

Blanket tight 'n snugglin'
Drooling and some mumblin'
Dreaming oh so vividly
Quality REM activity!

Mmmmmmmmmmm
'Cuz I gotta NAP STRONG!!
(Nap strong!)
All night long!
Gonna nap strong!
(Nap strong!!)
All dayyyyyyyyyyyy long!
 
Ohhhhh, yeah!

Nightwatchings

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Games From the Drunk Side.

Lyrics: 

The boys are up late on the Hindrance ship, 
Koop's got a drink, he's taking a sip, 
Jason's in-game in his mowing hat,
R4 scrambles to moderate chat.

"Games From the Drunk Side" is now engaged,
Technical issues: now Koop's enraged.
He rants and raves, saying what he thinks
Chat earns "Sips" and is sending Koop drinks.

Games, and laughs, and drinks Koop swallows,
If we're lucky we'll get Big Follows!
Stay up later for the Anna Kendrick News,
And laugh at any instance of stupid baby shoes.
Baby shoes,
(Baby shoes)
Baby  shoes,
(They're so stupid)
Baby shoes,
Baby shoes,
(So freakin' stupid)

Ode to Anna

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's celebrity crush, Anna Kendrick, with references to the ongoing joke caused by a glitch by Alexa during one of the shows when Alexa stated someone (NOT Anna Kendrick) ran over pedestrians while drunk driving when Koop asked for something related to Anna.

Lyrics: 

She's the light on every stage
With a smile that turns the page

Anna's here to stay, oh yes
With a heart so pure, she's the best

She never takes to roads unwise
Keeps her focus on the prize

She'll have a drink, but will not drive.
She rather keep those folks alive.

Anna Kendrick, there is no one hotter
And she's never done vehicular manslaughter

Oh Baby

Koop messing around in Udio. Back in middle school, Koop and Jason would hang out at Jason's house playing computer games. In a time before cell phones were commonplace, and with only one pc, when Koop wasn't actively playing on the computer he'd get antsy and spent his time annoying Jason from time to time. Once such annoyance was when Koop turned the wooden chair he was sitting on around, and then lifting his shirt and sticking his belly to the chair. The chair had a decorative hole on the back, which Koop used to showcase his bellybutton. Koop then proceeded to pinch his belly button so it looked like it was talking while referring to it as "Baby Antinaos" and giggling saying, "don't tickle me, Baby Antinaos!" If memory serves me correctly, Jason was very much annoyed and wanted to punch Koop.

Lyrics: 

Hey baby, I see you there
Your cherub-y face all cover in hair
You helped me through my dark times and lows
All I can say is don't tickle me, Baby Antinaos!
Baby, baby baby, Antinaos!
If you haven't come to wash dishes go home!

Panda Express Anticipation

Koop messing around in Udio. An ongoing joke when playing the game "Drunken Wrestlers 2" on the show is from an episode where a frequent player (and apparently someone with close ties to the developer of the game) Koop and Jason would run into, BDK, would show up. During a game Koop made up a story in the in-game chat that after the fights BDK was going to take Jason and Koop to Panda Express. They would continue this announcement frequently during the game and even got other players involved who stated they knew BDK when they wouldn't see him join in on their game.

Lyrics: 

Take Jason 
And Koop 
To Panda 
Express!

When we goin' BDK?
When we goin' BDK?
When we goin' BDK?
When we goin' BDK?

When we goin' BDK?
When we goin' BDK?
When we goin' BDK?
Tell me when we'll dine today?

Will we get sesame chicken?
With soy sauce, it’s finger lickin’
Kung pao shrimp and broccoli beef, 
Dreaming of flavorful feasts

When we goin' BDK?
When we goin' BDK?

BDK said he'd treat us right,
After the game's done, it's Panda Express delight
Spicy orange chicken, oh so fresh
Honey walnut shrimp, 
We won't settle for less

Pepe's Melody

Koop messing around in Udio. Koop's mother was a grade school teacher, and occasionally would bring home classroom animals over the summer break. One such classroom pet was a guinea pig named Pepe. Koop found out that when he pet him on his back, Pepe would lift his head up in the air and squeal loudly. It seemed comical, so Koop would play Blur's song "Tax Collector" and would pet him to show Jason how Pepe would react. This happened a few times, but the practice was promptly stopped after a few weeks when Koop noticed that the poor animal had been ripping his own hair out. What seemed like a happy time for the animal was actually torment, and Koop felt horrible.

Lyrics: 

Well, magic's real when you're with Pepe
Stroke his back and he'll start to sway
Doesn't make sense not to dance along
His tiny voice turns into song
So much charm, so much glee
So why not join his melody?
Oh, hey there Pepe! 

Let's see some more,
Let's hear some Blur
Maybe "Tax Collector"

Eyes are buggin',
Dancing ensues,
What's with this hair,
You start to lose?
Oh no, Pepe, let's skip that track,
You've ripped out all the hair from your back,

Sorry, bud, but that's just no good,
We'd take it back if we know we could.

Pepe, Pepe, this is your song,
Let us say, we know now we were wrong,

If we knew we'd have left you alone,
Now we're sad and we must atone.

Peppernips, Where Art Thou

Koop messing around in Udio. During a call Koop had with The Jimmer where he was helping Jimmer with some computer issues, he was asking about Jimmer's pets. Koop couldn't remember one of his dog's names, but for some reason thought "Peppernips" was the name (it was actually "Cricket"). Koop thought the dog name he thought of was humorous, so he thought having AI create a song off of a prompt where a dog owner is frustrated that his dog only wants to spend time with his neighbor might be entertaining, so he created it. The song has nothing to do with Cricket, though, other than the mistaken name Koop and Jimmer found humorous. 

Will I whine, beg or follow?
Yes, I do, my friend
Oh yes I do, my friend

Just to have some time, with old Peppernips by my side
Neighbor, can't you see, he's supposed to stick by me
A simple howl, a friendly bark

Perfectly Grilled

Koop messing around in Udio. A song regarding Koop and Jason's ongoing argument about how each prefer ordering their steaks. Since Koop wrote this song, he's defending his stance that "well done" is morally wrong.

Lyrics: 

Charcoal, mesquite and hickory
Both well done and rare are contradictory
Rare should be common
And well done is a crime
If you over-cook your steak
You should be doing hard time

Beef is what a great meal makes (ohh wee oh)
Show that chef you care
Crispy steaks are big mistakes (ohh wee oh)
So order your steaks rare! (Yeah!)

Come on!  (come on, now!)
Eat a brisket and not briquette
This isn't some kind of challenge or bet

That cow died so that you can eat
Why'd you have to go n desecrate its meat
Steak so burnt n dry is a dang travesty
It's an insult to the cow, to you, AND to me 

(Oh whoh oh, oh whoh oh, oh whoh oh)
(Moooooooo)
(Oh whoh oh, oh whoh oh, oh whoh oh)
(Moooooooo)

Beef is what a great meal makes (ohh wee oh)
Show that chef you care
Crispy steaks are big mistakes (ohh wee oh)
So order your steaks rare! (Yeah!)

Power of Maneeeeee

Koop messing around in Udio. A sarcastic song Koop wrote about his ongoing frustration with Star Wars "The Acolyte," the show's horrible writing, and the cast and crew seeming to not understand (nor respect) the original source material.

Lyrics: 

The power of one
The power of two
The power of manyyyyyyyyy

They got that thread,
Jedi good, Jedi bad
All the witches dead
Now that sister is sad
She's no Jedi,
She's a "mek-uh-nick"
Show is so good
It makes me sick

The power of one
The power of two
The power of manyyyyyyyyy
So exciting to see 
These twins getting so far
Less destructive than when 
Anakin blew up the Death Star

The power of one
The power of two
The power of manyyyyyyyyy
(female yelling)

Private Numbers

Koop messing around in Udio. A song Koop made using AI to write the lyrics for based on a prompt Koop thought would be funny where the singer is singing a children's song and asking the kids to sneak into their parent's wallet to provide the singer with their mom and dad's personal information found on their driver's license, credit cards, etc.

Lyrics: 

Well, your mom's out shopping and dad's on a call
Sneak to the drawer, big or small
Flip through the cards, it's kinda fun
Reading numbers one by one
So much to find, so much to see
They're just numbers, come tell me

Purple Rain

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Jason's Brazilian Jujitsu nickname at his gym due to the fact he's a purple belt and historically would sweat excessively during sparring matches.

Lyrics: 

The match begins, the mat is dry.
Jason approaches
 Try not to cry.
You have your gear, and finger tape.
He smells your fear, there's no escape.

Arms like iron, body like stone.
You see his eyes: he's in the zone.
Don't pick a fight with a super master doctor degree.
He's got you now.  You try to break free.

He's in your guard, but he has the advantage.
He's in control from all your moves you mismanage.
He grapples you closer and tightens his grip.
That's when you feel the very first drip (drip, drip, drip)!

The desert canvas is now an ocean of pain!
Purple Rain!!! (Purple Rain! Purple Rain!)
Purple Rain!!!!

You panic now, and your moves are all trash.
His sweat puddles. As you flail it's all splash!
His strength and dampness are too much to outdo.
If you don't submit, he's likely to drown you!

Purple Rain!!  (Purple Rain! Purple Rain!)
Purple Rain! 

Purple Raiiiiiiiin!

Put on the Popcorn

Koop messing around in Garageband. A song Koop wrote in Garageband that is just nonsense lyrics he came up with on the fly while testing the application out.

Lyrics: 

This is a song here
You're gonna listen to it
Like a baby chicken does
(Put on the popcorn, put on the popcorn)

He loves them chicken wings
(Put on the popcorn, put on the popcorn)
'Cuz it's on him
He don't like to eat 'em,
(Put on the popcorn)
He likes to wear up
'Cuz he's a chicken
(Put on the, put on the, put on the)

Rasslemania

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Rasslemania.

Lyrics: 

Rasslemania! (Spelled with an R!!)
Rasslemania! (No infringement!)
Rasslemania!! (I guess it's similar)
Rasslemania!! (But it's totally different!)

(Ding ding)

Stadium lights are flashin'
The crowd is pumped and cheering
While the wrestlers enter in
That's crap acapella I'm hearing

Koop looks sharp in his suit and tie
While Jason's sports his mowing hat
Excited to relay and classify
The madness n mayhem out on the mat 

Rasslemania! (Spelled with an R!!)
Rasslemania! (No infringement!)
Rasslemania!! (I guess it's sim-you-lar)
Rasslemania!! (But it's totally different!)

Oh yeah! Anna Kendrick is reffing the match
They're swinging and there's a brutal face scratch
Swanton bombs and flying elbows
This is one of my favorite shows
 
This round's a real slobber knocker
Really getting molly whopped today
Gonna sit back and have myself a lager
And imagine when I'll be in that ring some day

Rasslemania! (Spelled with an R!!)
Rasslemania! (No infringement!)
Rasslemania!! (I guess it's similar)
Rasslemania!! (But it's totally different!)

Reflections of the Cosmos

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Jason's frequent questioning whether or not space is real.

Lyrics: 

When you look at the moon,
That's not really the moon
It's just a reflection (reflection, reflection, reflection, reflection)

Space!  Is it even real?
C'mon, man, what's the deal?
We can look at it, but what does that tell?
What are these scientists trying to sell?
Every map I see shows the world is flat
But I'm not dumb enough for that
Space, though, now that's the real question
Does it exist, or is it just an expression?

A figurative view of what's up above
Eyes deceive us from the science thereof
Analyze it, in every section
(reflection, reflection, reflection, reflection)

Is space even real? Is space even real?
I think it's time we need to make an appeal
Astronauts can say whatever they want
I'll write that plea in Jokerman font

(reflection, reflection, reflection, reflection, reflection)

Rigged

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about how everyone claims Koop has rigged Viewer Gaming.

Lyrics: 

Oh yeah, through my submission

I enter competition
Despite Koop's admissions
I have my suspicions

"Viewer Gaming" commences
 My body then tenses
Because I watch my defenses
Against the attacks he dispenses

Oh, how could we foreseen this?
I swing and, of course, it's a miss
I feel I'd be remiss
If we were to simply dismiss

Oh, it's rigged!  It's rigged!  It's rigged! 
We think Koop has fibbed!
He swears it's a fair fight
But something just ain't right

Oh, so how can Koop explain it?
If it's so dang flippin' legit
How come I seem to take a hit
And never gain some kind of benefit?

Oh, it's rigged!  It's rigged!  It's rigged! 
We think Koop has fibbed!
It's been like this all night
And something just ain't right

Ahh, dangit, dude,
Don't want to be rude,
But when the results have been viewed,
I think you might just get sued!

Oh, it's rigged!  It's rigged!  It's rigged! 
We think Koop has fibbed!
My legal case is air-tight
But something just ain't right
 

It's rigged!  It'd rigged!  It's rigged!

Saucy Serenade

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Ketchup Boy.

Lyrics: 

(Ketchup Boy now)
He’s got that bottle, baby
(Squeeze it on down)
Come on and squirt it
'Till you love it
(Ketchup Boy now)
The girls are fainting in his presence
(Squeeze it on down)
Spraying tomato-y essence

(Ketchup Boy now)
The girls are fainting in his presence
(Squeeze it on down)
Spraying his tomato-y essence

Smiling like a god,
We are so lucky and so blessed,
They start to applaud,
Does this icon ever rest?
(Ketchup Boy now)
How did we survive without you?
(Squeeze it on down)
Showcase your red tomato goo.

Katsup Bay (Katsup Bay)
Katsup Bay (Katsup Bay)
Please don't ever go away!

Silent Predators

Koop messing around in Udio. A song Koop coaxed the AI into writing lyrics for in which diapers and underwear were carnivorous.

Lyrics: 

Uh-oh, in the night, they might creep, stealthy feet
Sneak to your dreams, as you slumber deep
Absorbing fears, not a peep
Innocent looks, but secrets they keep
So much to hide, so much deceit
Who knew the warnings were not just make-believe?

You have to beware, of your underwear.
Diapers are demons without any hair.
Basking in tinkle and fecal remains,
Huggies or Pampers, they're not playing games.
The diapers absorb, and then they consume.
You were so much safer if you stayed in the womb.

Silent Torment

Koop messing around in Udio. A song Koop wrote surrounding his phobia of mimes.

Lyrics: 

Terrifying faces painted
Mimes (mimes) mimes
Just know that it's you I've hated
Mimes (mimes) mimes
Scaring children at the park and the fair
Mimes (mimes) mimes
When will that box run out of air
Mimes (mimes) mimes
No one wants this act you're tryin' to sell
Mimes (mimes) mimes
When you never speak it's creepy as hell

White and black all over your dumb face,
You're the reason why folks carry mace
There is no rope you stupid clown
Mimes (mimes) mimes
If I had my way you'd be run out of town
Mimes (mimes) mimes

Terrorizing since my birth,
You should really question your worth,
It's not windy, there's no surprise,
You make me want to gouge out my eyes
Mimes (mimes) mimes
You'll sneeze but you don't say ah-chew
Mimes (mimes) mimes
Worse than a moronic living statue
Mimes (mimes) mimes

You're not juggling and there is no rain,
Go back to the hellfire from whence you came

Skunkape Serenade

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about a past coworker of Koop, Jason, and Jimmer (and even Josh and Jarrod at one point). Although she pronounced most everything else normally, when it came to pronouncing "boxes" or "checks" she would pronounce them "botses" and "chets." This wouldn't have been as big of an issue except she had to announce over the company's intercom daily, "You may now order 'chets' and source." Over time this became something the guys dreaded to hear. Jimmer had come up with the anecdote of her home life and the colorful moniker where her husband would hear her say "botses of chets" and her husband would respond in a gruff voice, "bite yer tongue!"

Lyrics: 

I've been walkin' down the old dirt lane
Met Skunkape, she's a sight, made me shake
Her hair's the color of a summer's mornin' pee
But it's her words that made me think

She says 'chets and source' with a grin, oh boy
Her husband's warnin', 'Bite yer tongue, no joy'

Botses and chets,
Sits botses of chets.
You may now order chets and source!
Botses and chets,
Sits botses of chets.
Skunkape's husband wants a divorce.

Streaming with Streams

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about how Koop always says he has to pee really bad.

Lyrics: 

It was such a nice night,
Keeping my bladder leak-tight

Then all a sudden comes the urge, (drip drop)
My body has got to purge. (drip drop, drip drop)

Drip drop, drip drop,
Feelin' like I'm gonna pop.
Gotta pee real bad?
Should I rush or run an ad?
Want to stay, so now I'm mad,
Gotta pee real bad?
 
It's so bad, I'm goin' to burst, (drip drop)
Oh dear god, this is the worst. (drip drop, drip drop)
Feel like it's goin' to spray out my eyes,
Why is my bladder such a small size?

Drip drop, drip drop,
Feelin' like I'm gonna pop.
Gotta pee real bad?
Should I rush or run an ad?
Want to stay, so now I'm mad,
Gotta pee real bad?

I'm really not an angry man, (drip drop)
I just need to get to the can, (drip drop, drip drop)
I'm feeling highly explosive,
If I'm not safe, I gotta give.

Drip drop, drip drop,
Feelin' like I'm gonna pop.
Gotta pee real bad?
Should I rush or run an ad?
Want to stay, so now I'm mad,
Gotta pee real bad?

I think my face is turning blue. (drip drop)
Chat yells "just go!" and I gotta do, (drip drop, drip drop)
Body's shaking, God I gotta piss,
How much longer can I endure this?

Drip drop, drip drop,
Feelin' like I'm gonna pop.
Gotta pee real bad?
Should I rush or run an ad?
Want to stay, so now I'm mad,
Gotta pee real bad?

Drip drop, drip drop,
Feelin' like I'm gonna pop.
Gotta pee real bad?
Should I rush or run an ad?
Want to stay, so now I'm mad,
Gotta pee real bad?

Pissssssss!

Super Masters of Inquiry

Koop messing around in Udio. A classic rock song about Koop and Jason's ongoing quest to inform the world of knowledge beyond knowledge using their Super Master Doctor degrees spanning all of human wisdom. They have a book on the subject, too, but at the time of this writing it's still in the editing stages before it will be able to be published.

Lyrics: 

Because of your defiance
Of understanding science
We take you on as clients
So stand on the shoulders of giants
(Super super super master doctor)

What's the velocity of your pee?
How do baby shoes work?
You can actively agree
Or just sit in chat an lurk
 
(Super Super Super Super Master Doctors!)

You know light travels up most efficiently?
And mimes are not really human?
Indian food is not great (even if for free)
You should never eat so much cumin

Super (ohh!)
Master (yeah!)
Super Master Doctor

Super (ohh!)
Master (yeah!)
Super Master Doctor
 
Jason and Koop will teach you the way
All you gotta do is pay (Super chats!)
They always know just what to say
With all the complex science they convey

Ohh Super! (super)
Master! (Master!)
Super Master Doctors

Oh yeah, Super! (SUPER!)
Master! (Master!) 

Super Master Doctors

Sweet Cinamonz

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Fireball cinnamon whiskey, which Koop refers to on the show as "Sweet Cinamonz."

Lyrics: 

Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons, (sweet cinnamons)
Sugar and gasoline
Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons, (sweet cinnamons)
Your flavor is obscene

Down the hatch, the Sweet Cinnamons go
People have voted, the spice must flow

Why'd they make such an awful drink?
Tastes like it's made in someone's sink

Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons (Sweet Cinnamons)
Your flavor makes me so sick
Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons (Sweet Cinnamons)
Rather stab my face with a rusty ice pick
Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons,
One of the worst things I've ever had
Mmmmm, Sweet Cinnamons,
And you should feel bad

Mmmmm, Sweet cinnamons (sweet sweet cinnamons)
Mmmmm, Sweet cinnamons (sweet sweet cinnamons)
Sweet sweet cinnamons!

Tacos and Benji

Koop messing around in Garageband. Another song Koop wrote using Garageband very late at night. Zero direction on this one, he just started creating and recording his voice. The title of the song has nothing to do with the lyrics, and the only thing that can be taken from the lyrics is someone breaking their wrists by improperly performing a handstand.

Lyrics: 

Make it go away way
You gotta uhhhh 
Not to form your hands
Into a handstand
And then break your wrists

That Kind of Show

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's catchphrase: "It's a family show?".

Lyrics: 

Oh my god
(Geez) Oh dear lord
I just can't believe
What my ears just heard

If you're in the know
Why I say "oh no!"
Watch that language you throw
'Cuz it's a family show!!!

You come in here with that potty mouth
You should take that language south
And by "south" I mean where the demons dwell
That gutter language comes straight from ... heck

Family (Family, yeah!) It's a Family Show!
We never think you'd stoop so low
Family (Family, hey!) It's a Family Show!
Sometimes we make accidents, though
 
We sometimes say things on accident
And your words don't have to be sacrament
But if you speak like a nasty serpent
You are just the devil's servant

(HEY!)
Family (Family, yeah!) It's a Family Show!
We never think you'd stoop so low
Family (Family, hey!) It's a Family Show!
Sometimes we make accidents, though

You come in here n start flippin' the bird
Yellin' the F, and the C, and even the Q-word!
Go right now, wash your mouth out with soap
Before the mods come after you with a rope!

Family (Family, yeah!) It's a Family Show!
We never think you'd stoop so low
Family (Family, hey!) It's a Family Show!
Sometimes we say some bad words, though

When you curse it only makes you look bad
Use cleaner words and don't make us feel sad
We might think lesser of you even if it's a tad
All because of the poor word choices you had!

(HEY!)
Family (Family, yeah!) It's a Family Show!
We never think you'd stoop so low
Family (Family, hey!) It's a Family Show!
Sometimes we make accidents, though
 
It's a family show (fu fu fu family show)
It's a family show (oh yeah, a family show)
It's a family show (uh huh, a friggin family show)
And, so now you better freakin' know!

[spoken]
Wait, was that a bad word?  Awww, DAMN IT!

The Ballad of Elaine Wells

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about the infamous character voice Koop created, Elaine Wells.

Lyrics: 

Mmmm mmmm mmmm, sweet lady Elaine
Draw your bath and plug up that drain
Sippin' your drinks and splashin' around
Refresh that bath when the water has browned

Wrinkly hands to match the rest of your skin
Just lay back and have some more gin
Rubber ducky, spritzers, and ciggie
Thirty eight kids ain't such a biggie

Bless us now with your sage advice
While relaxing in your own paradise

Elaine, Elaine, Elaine,
Beautiful Elaine Wells
Bathroom stinks like methane,
Is this one of your smells?

You've proven yourself as a talent for breeding.
But keep those kids out, or they'll get a good beating.
Watch bubbles rise when you let out a toot.
Let's taste a sample of that forbidden fruit!

Oh my god!  Yesss!

The Brown Pours

Koop messing around in Udio. A high-brow song about diarrhea.

Lyrics: 

Deep inside of you
Something starts to brew.
Oh my god! It's feeling like it grew.  

Might be doo-doo!!!

Just a simple man.  Sprinting to the can.  
Brown, green, black, or tan.  I hope you've got a plan.

Might be doo-doo!!!

Your tummy is a rumblin'.
There's no time for fumblin'.

You sit and start to pray.
Then out your back, you spray!

The brown pours! (brown pours!)
It exits in a hurry!
The brown pours! (brown pours!)
Like a foamy vial slurry!
The brown pours!  (brown pours!)
Let it flow (let it flow, let it flow!!)
The brown pours!  (brown pours!)
Let it go (let it go, let it go)
The brown pours!  (brown pours!)
The brown pours!  (brown pours!)

The Gazelle Place

Koop messing around in Udio. While working together during the early 2000's in their office job, Koop decided to fill a break in conversation by making up a fabricated story to Jason starting with, "Remember when..." The tale of "The Gazelle Place" was a simple one. Jason was excited to go on a road trip with Koop, and Koop got him a package of "yellow and blue make green seal" Ziplock bags to play with on the journey. When they got there, everyone there were full of smiles. There was a group of nuns, and some girl scouts or boy scouts, and some other people all excited and happy to see the gazelles. But while telling the story, Koop would change the tone and say how horrible it was what they were doing there, and extend the reveal of what it was as long as possible. When it came to the reveal (after a HUGE buildup) it was revealed that they were washing the gazelles. This story went on to be retold during Jimmer's radio show, "Wooden Breakfast" when Koop called in as a psychologist and played a recording of a patient retelling the story fairly close to the original tale. The story now lives on in musical form in this song.

Lyrics: 

See the world, and join the spree
Zip those bags, come along with me
Jason's thrilled, can't you tell?
We're off to the place, it's Gazelle
Feeling good, it's understood
It's Gazelle, oh
Nuns in robes, and scouts in green
Smiles around, a joyful scene
Laughter's loud, hearts are light
In Gazelle, where the stars shine bright
Jason's grin, it's so wide
In Gazelle, oh
But clouds rolled in, the skies turned gray
Whispers spread, fear had its way
Jason's eyes, now filled with dread
In Gazelle, where our hopes had fled

Tears fall down, on trembling hands
The joy was lost in those darkened lands
Echoes haunt, in Gazelle
Rain falls down, like a mournful bell
Jason's cries, they pierce the night
In the place where wrongs took flight

The gazelles, they wash them clean
But in water flows the unseen
Voices hush, the town stands still
With each drop, more dreams to kill
Jason's voice, a broken plea
In Gazelle, where shadows flee

Oh, they were washing them!
They were washing them!

The Question

Koop messing around in Udio. During their middle school days, Koop and Jason had a friend named Jimmy who loved nothing more than to talk about Nintendo's "WrestleMania Steel Cage." Every opportunity he had he would approach Jason or Koop and ask them a series of questions, in succession, with increased intensity, and often repeating himself. Occasionally he'd add some personal anecdotes about his own gaming experiences amongst the questioning, but overall the experience of the line of questioning was consistent enough to the point to be predictable.

Lyrics: 

Let me ask you a question...(pause)
Do you have a Nintendo?
Do you own WrestleMania Steel Cage?
Have you ever played it?
Do you own it?
Have you ever played WrestleMania Steel Cage?
Have you played it?

Hey, have you ever played Nintendo?
Have you played WrestleMania Steel Cage?
Do you own it?
Have you ever played it?
Do you own it?
Do you own it?
Do you have a Nintendo?
WrestleMania Steeeeeeel Cage!
Do you have a Nintendo?
Do you have WrestleMania Steel Cage?
Do you have it?
Have you ever played it?

The Reason Why

Koop messing around in Udio. Back in middle school, Koop was at his friend, Tim's, house playing video games. While Tim was becoming increasingly frustrated with a level, Koop found one of Tim's sibling's stuff animal teddy bears that had silk gloves attached to it's hands. Koop then puppeteered the animal and made up an annoying song which the lyrics were "The reason why you cannot play, is because I wear white gloves." The song was annoying, the bear was annoying, and the fact it was wearing gloves turned out to be overly annoying, which if memory serves Koop correctly, caused Tim to throw the bear across the room in a fit of rage.

Lyrics: 

Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh (Yeah, yeah, can't you see it's me?)
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh (Yeah, yeah)
Yeah

I'm the bear that's livin' in your game machine
Why you struggle with the joystick scene? (Scene)
In my fluffy arms, it's a tech routine (Tech routine)
The reason why you cannot play is because I wear white gloves
In this digital maze, I'm the one that you love (Love)
Electric vibes, neon lights above
My circuits hum, a coded serenade (Oh, oh)
I'm the ghost in your arcade (Arcade)
Pixels flash as you try and fail (Fail)
But I'm the glitch in your fairy tale
The reason why you cannot play is because I wear white gloves
In this digital maze, I'm the one that you love (Love)
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh (Yeah, yeah, can't you see it's me?)
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh (Yeah, yeah)
Yeah

I'm the bear that's livin' in your game machine
Why you struggle with the joystick scene? (Scene)
In my fluffy arms, it's a tech routine (Tech routine)

The Troubleshooting Times

Koop messing around in Udio. Technically, this song doesn't belong on this list as it is only ever played during technical troubleshooting portions of the show (when Koop decides to include music with it), but for the meantime this'll suffice.

Lyrics: 

Oh YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
It's officially a tech trouble shooting stream!

GFTDS
It's a troubleshooting stream!
Such a huge mess.
More broken than Koop's self esteem!

SO BROKEN!
CAN'T FIX IT!
STILL BROKEN!
EAT TRISKET! (not sponsored)

(hey!  you still haven't fixed it?!) 
Koop, you suck!


Unrequited Partnership

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's continued attempt to somehow get Triscuit to sponsor the show, and leans into the fact that he thinks they blocked his email since they completely stopped responding to his emails years ago.

Lyrics: 

Mondelēz
Mondelēz
Mondelēz International

Mondelēz
Mondelēz
Mondelēz International

Mondelēz International
How come you're so irrational
Why do you see my emails and skip
It's clear we should be in partnership
 
For Triscuit there is no better fit
Agree to sponsorship, and we'll do it
Go ahead and sign off on that release for press
When folks think "Triscuit", they think: G-F-t-D-S

Health's important, and we stay hydrated
Even though exercise is so hated
Beer is pretty much water, and that's a known fact
Look at my core: immaculate! Now let's just sign that pact

It's kinda difficult for me to not throw a fit
When reminded we're STILL not sponsored by Triscuit!
We'll wish, and hope, and pray that some day we will
And when that day comes, our dreams they will fulfill

Triscuit (Triscuit) Triscuit!
Let's get on that sponsorship!
Games From the Drunk Side!
Or we'll have to continue this guilt trip

Wanna Muffin

Koop messing around in Udio. Based on a true tale of events that transpired while hanging out at his friend, Tim's house back in middle school, Koop and Tim were sitting on the floor in the basement playing Super Nintendo and one of Tim's little brothers was heard approaching them from behind. Koop turned around to see Tim's brother extending his hand out holding a muffin while saying "Wanna muffin?" while his other hand was shoved down the front of his pants. Koop was appalled and declined the offer of the muffin, and the boy shrugged and began eating the muffin and walked off. After Tim's brother left to go upstairs, Koop explained to Tim why Koop couldn't stop laughing.

Lyrics: 

Hey, hey, wanna muffin?
Got a treat in my other hand
Don't know where my fingers been
But trust, it's all fun, no plan

Wanna muffin? (muffin?)
Got a sweet treat, take a bite

Hey, hey, wanna muffin?
Got a snack that's oh so grand
Might be crumbs on my shirt
But it's all part of the fun, understand

Wanna muffin? (muffin?)
Get a taste, it's outta sight

Wanna muffin? (Muffin?)
Got my fingers, doing a dance
Eating sweet treats while I prance
With my right hand down my pants

Hey, hey, now you're laughin'
Sugar rush, come join the band

Watchful Eye

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's cat, KK (literally named "KK" after "Koop's Kitten"), who is almost always present during the show, watching over everything that transpires during the program.

Lyrics: 

KK's watchful eye
Games played on the drunk side
Floating up high

In her gaze, the scenes align
Threads of chaos dance in time
She ensures the game is fine
On the board, the pieces move,
Her mind’s sharp, she’s in the groove,
She won’t let the chaos reign,
Guiding lines, through each refrain,

KK's watchful eye
Games played on the drunk side

Through the laughter and the cheer,
KK’s presence always near,
With a paw, she swipes and bends,
Making sure the fun transcends,

Her fur streaked with shadow's light,
She keeps the balance, day and night

We Are the Home Girls

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about a time during the early 2000's when Koop, Jason, and Justin (AKA: Athiest Boy) lived together as room mates. During this time in history, Jason and Koop surprised Justin with a very basic computer for him to get online with. After getting him set up with his new system there was a humorous "Love on AOL" entry they found that had a very jolly looking lady whose screenname was titled "We're the Homegirls!" Jason and Koop made this Justin's desktop background for him, which he was "overjoyed" with, given that at the time he didn't know how to undo it. Around the same period of time another friend of theirs, Vavra, had convinced someone to bring a can of bread (yes, this is a real thing) to the Pizza Hut he worked at asking for "Apple Fritter" while Vavra hid in the back.

Lyrics: 

Apple Fritter's got nothing on me! (Apple Fritter)
Apple Fritter's got nothing on me! (Apple Fritter)

Check out these beautiful curves,
Don't let them rattle your nerves,
Showcasing my beautiful curls,
Oh yeah, we are the home girls!

Come on, boys, don't leave me here all alone,
You can just leave that canned bread at home,
If Justin walks away from his PC,
Just set his desktop with a picture of me.
(We are the home girls!)
 
Check out these beautiful curves,
Don't let them rattle your nerves,
Showcasing my beautiful curls,
Oh yeah, we are the home girls!
Who knew true love was on AOL,
I guess I got one more secret to tell,
Athiest Boy, I think I'm enamored,
Let's get some Boone's Farm and go get hammered!
(We are the home girls!)

Check out these beautiful curves,
Don't let them rattle your nerves,
Showcasing my beautiful curls,
Oh yeah, we are the home girls!
(We are the home girls!)

Check out these beautiful curves, (We are the home girls!)
Don't let them rattle your nerves, 
Showcasing my beautiful curls,  (We are the home girls!)
Oh yeah, we are the home girls!  (We are the home girls!)
Oh yeah, we are the home girls!  (We are the home girls!)

Weave of Resilience

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about baskets. There's not much more to say about that. Just baskets.

Lyrics: 

Until the harvest's done
Until the job is spun
Don't you ever give in
No no never give in
Until the work's complete
Strength in every weave

Baskets hold our daily bread, secure our every seed
Woven tales of diligence, they fulfill every need

Raise up your baskets, hold them to the sky
Symbols of our toil, under the sun they dry
Let's sing for baskets, steadfast and so strong
In every fiber, our spirit lives on

We'll Just Fix it In Post

Koop messing around in Udio. A song about Koop's constant failing struggle to keep things working right during the show.

Lyrics: 

Did a Windows Update and now audio is broke
FIX IT IN POST!
New feature doesn't work and now it's a joke
FIX IT IN POST!
Eight R4's? There should be just one!
WE'LL JUST FIX IT IN POST!
Blood pressure's up. I am so done!
JUST FIX IT IN POST!

Chat messages aren't appearing?
SO WE'LL FIX IT IN POST!
I didn't even change anything!
FIX IT IN POST!
Oh, why can't anything just work as planned?
Think I said something dumb; will we be banned?
FIX IT IN POST!
Antiquated hardware and stupidity don't mix well.
Getting things to work right is a literal hell.

Sometimes I think we've had a pretty good run.
FIX IT IN POST!
I've got ninety-nine problems but Twitch ain't one!
WE'LL JUST FIX IT IN POST!
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